Apparently you make a good broom.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
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