Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
