if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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