He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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