I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize