apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
