Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You left your phone here
Wait...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
