don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
