he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
