Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
