We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
