Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I want a musical about memes.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
