I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my being single is dangerous.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
