Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize