lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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