I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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