Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
