Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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