Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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