After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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