turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize