Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
