Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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