I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
