Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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