i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
