I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Someone came in the potted fern
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
