who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
