You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
