dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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