I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Randomize
