Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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