i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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