I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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