why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
