What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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