I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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