Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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