so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
