ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
