YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
