I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
