I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
