I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
