Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
