When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
