so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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