If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
