I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
