the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize