You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
