i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
