fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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