IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
