Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
