Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
