What did we do last night that was yellow?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
