so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
