I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
