No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
