Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
