I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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