Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
