I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
