You just made me feel so damn special
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
