i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the day after is always just damage control
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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