so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
