Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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