I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
