Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
