how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
