I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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