The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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