I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize