I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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