New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I love you. Go after that dick
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
