Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Randomize
