everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
