I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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