Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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