is your mom at the bar?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
