he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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