So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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