He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
