I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
