if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
