I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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