Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
