her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
