I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
