I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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