omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
