My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
