i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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