just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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