As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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