I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
