I will die if light touches me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
