hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
