Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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