well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
