No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
