There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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