so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
